Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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