he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
