I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
