I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
