between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
