Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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