You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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