Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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