I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!