ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
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I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
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And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...