Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Dating After Heartbreak
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.