I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You've changed since you got that strap on