I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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