I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
