i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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