my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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