all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
