I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
