I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
