I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize