Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
