that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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