I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
