May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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