Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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