I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
