All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
