I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
