Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I deserve this hangover.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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