Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize