'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
