I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
