You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
