Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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