i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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