you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
