I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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