There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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