I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
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obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
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I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
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