I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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