just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
