I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
