I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Im part way to drunk.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
