I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You are the jesus of drinking
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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