im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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