D3 body, D1 cock
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
