my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
