I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
