i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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