Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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