Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
