You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
