Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
