Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
