I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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