There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
