so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
