I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
