I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
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You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
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You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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