Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
