I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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