every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
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my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
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so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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