he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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