that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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