i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
