I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
