New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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