New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
