I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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